I feel like I'm on the outside alone watching the rest of the world function well active and happy. And I Dont know how to leave my dark world.

I have no future. I am living IN my future right now. Before I was diagnosed with MDD I was already dealing with the fact that I don't know who I am. I lived the life of a people pleaser just like a chameleon changing personalities to suit the moment. The great pretender. No wonder I don't have friends. I have indevoured to educate my family on my situation. The just REFUSE to understand any of it. I had not spoken to my son for weeks and the other day he called. "WHAT are you still feeling like that??" I feel like I am a fake now and have doubt too about the MDD PTSD etc. I decided to come off the Venlafaxine after 3 years. Time will tell but I have warned that there should be no surprises in the end.
The world is always so shocked when a celebrity commits suicide. Why? I can understand why ands its not shocking at all. It shocking that the people refuse to believe that Depression is so real and painful. Its a different world we live in. We have an alien personality and majority of people don't believe in aliens and never will.
"Beam me down Scotty I need to go to the shops and wear my human mask".

So, yes i ask if i even have depression. I mean if everyone else is fine then why aren't I?

I can only describe how I feel at the moment like this. This is how my depression takes me as hostage. You mentioned you feel like your faking everything, your not. I feel the same way about that. Just because I don't outwardly showcase my manic depression and all of the symptoms that go with it, doesn't mean they aren't there, or I don't feel them; it just means that living with mental illness for me is normal. I know the gravitational pull I feel to be normal is nothing but a joke. I resigned myself year's ago that I am defective. I have a lot of short-comings. When I have a manic-episode it's kind'a like a alcohol-related blackout. Just without the alcohol though. Hell! Sometimes I wish I were faking my symptoms. Cause the pic below is exactly how I feel for more than half of my days living. It's really dangerous when you can't even trust your mind...

me neither. i have 4 1/12 years sober time. i've never fit in any where in any circle of people places or things. i've always been the odd man out. your story sounds exactly like mine. now that im sober i still have social stigmata's, i still don't feel comfortable around people. it doesn't always get better when a person stops drinking for good. but it defintely helps to get better and helps you make better choices for short term goals. i know i can never drink again!!!! and if do then my bipolar 1 and schizo-affective disorder/border line personality disorder reigns once again. what your feeling is normal cause none of us want to be odd or strange, but we all have to accept ourselves as is. we're not broken toys discarded and trashed. we have needs and wants but feel that we're not important enough to express our true feelings and insights.