It really sucks doesn't it. I hate I don't even remember the things I actually did like to do at one point in my life. Part of me would like to get rid of everything. I phave things I was suppose to post and sell so I could make a little bit of money, and it's just sitting there. I look around and think screw it I don't even care anymore. I just want to toss it out, break it or give the crap away just so I don't have to look at it anymore. I wish I felt differently. But I cant pull myself out of this rut to think more positive.

My definition... Well i believe the definition of a friend is when you and another person are interested and care deeply for one another understanding 1 another and accepting them as they are for what they are and what they do ..in short .... But I don't have friends so I could be wrong and probably why I don't have. .

Lol who said there are terms or conditions but I mean what's the point in it if in the end they just going to walk away and never say a thing again ... In my case I hate it cause everyone of them goes through my head and more likely or not have never said why they left but yet here I'm still standing believing it's something I've said or done🤔 lol
I dont try stop people if that why you keep thinking control .. it's merely an observation

Sadly 3 years later after posting this I can safely say it’s a tough situation for anyone who is stuck in this limbo.. I don’t know if I’ll ever figure something as complex as this everytime I feel as if I hit rock bottom it feels like things get even worse and worse … I don’t think this is something that can get medically fixed to many aspects contribute to the negative thoughts and the pain of being in a broken state of mind ..even talking about these topics become a difficult part to talk about as it’s nearly indescribable to express how painful it really is

Sacha...everything you have written has and is my life, also. I fully believe that I have wasted my entire life...for what? You're right...what's the point? But also want to live. I also don't want to die. I also don't want to be alone. Everything you posted has also been going through my head. Yes, I want to live, have some happy moments, wake up and feel great but deep down I feel as you do. So what do we do? I don't know either. But because I want to live, I have that eternal hope, mixed with eternal hopelessness. I can't get out of it either. I have had negative thoughts since puberty (12-13 yrs old). I am now 65. I have had a lifetime of it all. I still don't have the answers. But I do know that I need medication for the rest of my life for what ails me. And talk therapy does nothing for me at all. The things they want you to do, I don't do because I don't believe they will help me - I've tried some. So, I'm stuck here in the middle of what's the point, why bother, and a hope that one day I'll wake up and have a reason to find some happiness - to actually feel it. Animals (dogs, cats, or whatever) seem to be the only things that I love and want to take care of. People...not so much. So, I think what we need is an actual physical 'friend' we can go to when we feel like it and hopefully they will stay until it's our time to go so we are not alone. And I personally believe I have already done most of the good things I was to do in this life. I', 'hoping' I come across some more things to help someone with as it does make me feel a little better. I don't know if I've actually ever had a 'calling' of what I'm supposed to do with my life, so maybe all it was , was just a small thing I said or did for someone and that was it.?. My health is going downhill , fast. I so wish I could have a do-over of my life. Not sur how to change my negative mind or which theory to start with but I really do want to feel better each day. I hate this. Thank you for posting. If you figure it out, please let me know?🙂