Chris, my guess is that you don't really expect to be perfect but you probably are harder on yourself than is helpful. I find that regret or shame can be particularly harmful so I try really hard to put things behind me. I tell myself that I was a different person at whatever time in the past has come to mind.

Forgiveness is for you,not the other person 🙏🌹

Chris I don’t know if you have read my story but I had to forgive or I wouldn’t be here today because I tried to take my life two times as a young girl but it didn’t happen. I had to still live at home with my Mom and siblings that had and were abusing me and my mom kept it up until I was a teenager and she was over me beating me with her belt again.. I looked into her eyes from my bed where she had me trapped and told her,”if she was waiting for me to cry or beg her to stop that it wasn’t happening and she could just go ahead and beat me to death”, well she kept on until she tired and I nearly bit my lip off but didn’t shed a tear.. I wasn’t grown and had to live there and also with my brothers so I had to learn how to forgive all and move on with my life, easy it wasn’t for a kid, and I had no one to go to. It didn’t help my depression a lot but I learned to live with it the best I could and married at 18 to get away from them but it took years before I would open up and get help.

Yes, and unfortunately, forgiving myself is the hardest. Is it just me, or is anyone else a perfectionist on themselves?

What a tricky question! Forgiveness is a complex issue but here is what I have come to believe. I think that ultimately we should try to hold no one outside of our hearts. That would be the ultimate goal, unconditional love, but is probably impossible to actually achieve unless you are a Saint. I have worked on forgiving my parents over several years now. I feel good about them now and that they did what they knew to do considering how they were raised by their parents. I know only enough about that to be able to understand why they were the way they were and assume the rest. They have passed though, and I find I am unable to forgive my brothers for their behavior, even though I should give them the same consideration. I am very aware of how they were raised and it explains much of their behavioral issues. However, they are still alive and their decisions and behavior continues to be hurtful. So they have been excluded from my life for a number of years now. With regard to them, I forgive to some degree because it is in my best interest. Resentment and anger only hurt me, they are unaffected except if they are angry too, then they hurt themselves. So maybe it is a matter of doing your best to feel okay about a person or situation so that you are not harming yourself. Try to be free and keep your power for yourself, not give it to the m. I hope this is a little helpful.