It's best to be frank. I mean he's blatantly taking advantage of both of you. He has no plans to move that's for sure.

Listen if you tried reasoning the best you can, and he doesn't acknowledge. Then you have to be blunt and bold. The Bible mentions you spare the rod, you hate the child. He may not like it but should teach consequences.

I can't think.of another way but honesty. maybe together with your partner you can give him a few months to get hislife together

It sounds like you and your partner have done all you can and if his priorities are spending on things he can do without rather than helping you out and expecting you to cover all his costs I would explain he has however long to find alternative accomodation as you have enough problems going on and he can get someone else to help him now sending hugs

I spoke to BIL today and asked him for a contribution towards groceries (he mentioned 2 months ago that he will) and he said he’ll pay over money into my account but didn’t mention how much. We’ll see whenever that happens. Regarding him finding his own place, according to him he cannot afford it, but he can afford vaping, buying running gear every month, a new smart watch which he’s paying off, a new bicycle (he rode 1 time in 8 months) which he’s paying off. He complains about all this debt yet he’s making more debt.

I’ll see what happens in the next month or so and what he contributes. I have no problem being honest but I’m afraid that I will be hostile as well because he’s been taking advantage of us and for far too long. He had more than enough time to get his life together.