Hello, MareeC. Oh my God it is horrible what happened to you and the part that is still happening! Your mother basically chooses her loyalty and/or need for your father over her your needs and feelings, and that is so unhealthy and extremely hurtful for you, at any age! You did NOT break her heart or ruin HER life by telling her. This is a case of Deny, Minimize, and Blame. The way she treats you and says those things is a form of emotional abuse. This part of it I can say I understand. Things that help me sometimes are: (1) Having a "Teflon" mind. This is a mindfulness skill that takes practice and it involves taking your thought or something someone said to you and visualizing it sliding right out of your mind as if it were "Teflon." (2) Forgiveness. This is not about him or your mom, this is forgiveness for your sake. I don't know if you are a Christian or a fan of musicals, but one mental image that helps me with forgiving - especially huge, horrible, life-changing damagers is the moment in Jesus Christ Superstar when Jesus finds out that Judas has betrayed him and he understands that it was part of God's plan for Judas to betray him so horribly, and Jesus forgives Judas and even kisses him on the cheek. A very powerful and memorable image! (The movie musical version from the 70s is my personal favorite). (3) Don't put yourself in "harm's way." You know that talking to your mother and / or listening to the things she says is a huge trigger for your PTSD. So, maybe you can limit the contact you have with her. Also, I find it helpful to plan ahead for times when I do talk to my parents. Almost like going into battle. Example: If she says this, I am going to do this...(change the subject to sports, ask her about her Schnauzer, hang up the phone, get up and walk out, etc.) This is YOU being prepared to take control of the conversation. She may not ever learn to stop saying these things, but she WILL (probably) eventually notice that you are changing how you react to her ways. It is almost like your roles are reversed, but it can be very empowering for you. (4) Sometimes it is okay to get ahead of yourself - by planning ahead for what happens when these thoughts and/or feelings of terror come up again. This one can be tricky. I compare it to being prepared for if one of my boys (back when they were little) starts to have a tantrum, or outburst, or even a bad dream. It is almost like parenting yourself. So, when YOUR attack of anxiety or panic or whatever starts, what are you going to do about it? It's like a spark or a match being lit. How do you put it out before it becomes a totally uncontrollable flame that burns down the whole rest of your day?

I agree forgiveness is fundamental in the healing process of Traumatic experiences. First with your inner child who is still trying to understand why her? Try reconnecting with her allow her to go through the motions tell her its okay none of it was her fault. She is not a victim she is a survivor. The more you do this the better your self perception. Do not allow him to continue victimising you take control back from him and and place the blame where it belongs NOT YOU. you are a SURVIVOR not a VICTIM. Good Luck

Wow. I feel for you so deeply, I am almost in tears. My story in a nutshell:- I was a very 'unstreetwise' 13 year old and became a target of a boy of 17 who abused me over 2years. I remember little of it, but have suffered MH probs since. Married twice, No 1 was an alcoholic, married to no. 2 for 20 years, but when both marriages were failing, they used my MH against me, ridiculing me & reducing me to a nonentity. I have been thru the MH system in UK, but to give you an idea of the care I've received, I found out last year when I accidentally received a copy of my records that I probs have EUPD. So, at 56yo, I've never had a proper diagnosis. Therefore I wouldn't presume to know anything about PTSD and how to help, and a novice could cause you more serious probs, so be careful. But one thing I would say is that you must never believe that you were in any way to blame. This has been my prob. This 17yo took me out..I'm not sure whether I willingly took alcohol or he spiked my drinks or even drugged me. I remember getting home, running upstairs being sick in bathroom. I remember realising I was in deep trouble as he shoved me into my bedroom. And I remember the horror when he phoned the next day to tell me I must do all he asked of me otherwise he would tell my parents, and so it began. I remember nothing between these events. I've got to stop, my post is too long, but I would like to add you to my team and talk with you in the future if you're willing. I've seen your posts on here since I started here and identify with your difficulties even thou events differ. ((Hugs)) x

I thought I had some advice but when I read Lynette's post I realized she had said everything I thought. lol. I have PTSD as well land I just have to keep going to therapy and trying to determine what triggers me. However, forgiveness is key. Not for them for yourself. Hang in there and over time it gets better, if you can forgive and move on...don't live in the past, live for now. Your relationship with your mom sounds sort of toxic but only you can decide if that needs to end. I have a brother I ended our relationship and at first I felt bad but now, not so much. I have been much happier without his disbelieving ways and comments. Ill be thinking of you and hoping you get better quickly!!

Hi. I attended DBT sessions for some time and must say that gives you tools and coping skills to help you deal with the PTSD. My heart goes out to you. Wish I can say that it helped with the nightmares but unfortunately not but helps you if you apply and practice the skills to cope with day to day life. Hope this helps and if you want a copy of the material let me know and i will forward that to you. Stay strong.