Please speak to your doctor and get professional help, from personal experience as someone that has tried to commit suicide get help to stop yourself feeling this way now because you may not have acted on it yet but if the thought of doing it is there it only takes one really bad day to tip you over the edge and you might make a very bad decision that you can't take back. Im so glad I'm still alive. I went to the doctors and got help, I was put on a course of counseling and medication and it has helped me. Its not a cure but it has helped, I no longer get suicidal thoughts although I do still struggle with depression and anxiety but I find it easier to manage. Your life is precious nomatter how low you feel, I wish you well and hang in there! Don't be scared to ask for help, there is support out there

I think the first thing to do is talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. He/she can decide on the level of care that’s needed.
If you’re feeling suicidal even if you don’t act on it, it’s serious. If you feel you may act on it call a suicide helpline. Take care.

Suicide is a sin I can't imagine for anyone left to deal with it

I dont like to think of taking alot of depression meds but that seems to be all they will or can do