I’m having the same problem. I believe in God too and even the thought of going to hell, didn’t deter me from wanting and trying to end my life, but God had a different plan for me and I know for that reason alone, not to mention my kids are another reason, was enough to keep going. I’ve been homeless since October of 2019 and I work and struggle everyday. I have been doing something though, get you a jar, any size with a lid on it, then paint it, decorate it, whatever you want...start off everyday with a prayer and write down your problems, the ones that you feel like you just can’t bear or deal with, cut this list with scissors into one problem at a time and stick in jar and while doing so, say “God, I can’t handle this problem right now, I know that you have said you can give rest to me and everybody if er are tired, I know that You can solve this problem for me” and put it in the jar and do just that, give it over to God. I have and things are starting to get better. I got a place to stay, am starting school and still working. No, life is still hard, but I know that with God, it’s not no so hard. I haven’t done this idea long enough with the jar thing, but in 6 months, I’m gonna empty this jar and look back and see what problems Are no longer a problem.
If you need to talk, I’m here. Sometimes we just need to know we aren’t alone and you aren’t.

You need to get over what others think. It took me years to get to grips with my so called friends and family and you need to be strong and forget them. If you don't you will always suffer

There are many people who have suicudal thoughts. Tge thoughts cone and go. Tge biggest thing to be concerned about is if you have a plan. If you do do some mindfulness and tgen call a crisis line or go to yhe nearest ER. Also know that it is not really that you want to complete suicide you want the emotiona and mental pain to end which is why people cut or self harm. Self harming is a coping skill. Not a good one. I dont know if this will help or not but i self harmed as a teenager and then around 35 and on and off for 2 or 3 years. I would have given anything to die. My son and mom were why i did not eventhough they dont know that. Everything my friend comes and goes. It has been the last year that i really have gotten to who iam. Do you know who i am? Me eitger really. Tge inly thing i know is i am. For some people to hear that i am deserving, i am going to put myself first, and i am going to appear selfish at times may think it is bitchy but it is time to love me. I have half a life to luve and i want it. Im not afraid of sying but i am afraid to die without acheiving myvpurpose. Get to living or get to dying. Your choice. So much more to see do and encounter.

This is something I too struggle with. I have over 30 scars on my body from self harm. Suicide crosses my mind on daily, I feel useless and unwanted by many. I feel like if I just disappeared their lives would be easier. I have also seen the effects of suicide and see how others hurt from it. It may be one of the reasons that I put thought into not going through with it.
I feel like I get a grip on my emotions and depression, and then seem like I get proved wrong. I know there is family and friends who would miss me, but how would it really effect them. When I first got put on my medication and told my mom about it, she didn't have a care in the world. It's like she expected it, but yet has never reached out to talk about my feelings.

Mine never totally go away. If it wasn't for my dogs I swear I wouldn't be here. But with the right help and possibly medication, things can settle down quite a bit! Sending prayers for you all! So glad you reached out!